Have you discussed sex with your children as yet?
If your child was raped do you know what to do?
Many of you may agree with the view that a child should not be told anything at all about sex. Sex is a topic for adults ONLY. Some of you may want to approach the topic with your child but don’t know how to. Unfortunately, given the increase in sexual offences committed against children in Jamaica, if you don’t embark on the discussion early and seek to educate your child someone else will ill-advise them! Which do you prefer?
If your child was raped do you know what to do?
Many of you may agree with the view that a child should not be told anything at all about sex. Sex is a topic for adults ONLY. Some of you may want to approach the topic with your child but don’t know how to. Unfortunately, given the increase in sexual offences committed against children in Jamaica, if you don’t embark on the discussion early and seek to educate your child someone else will ill-advise them! Which do you prefer?
From the prosecutor's stand point the earlier you do the better it is for us. Why? Prosecutors often have to represent victims who are as young as two years old. The youngest child I have personally had to represent was only 4 years old. My eldest victim of sexual assault was 75 years old.
To the relief of most parents, most if not all, Primary Schools have a guidance Counsellor on staff. Therefore it is believed the responsibility sex education rests with the person on the Guidance Counsellor.
Unless you have chosen to be an ostrich with your head stuck in the sand … oblivious to the fact that sex is everywhere your child turns then you must be blind. Have you ever listened to the lyrics in the songs of most of our popular artistes. Many times when we hear the little ones singing these songs or we watch them dancing we laugh because it is so cute or entertaining for us that they know the lyrics of all these songs or that they can do the "dutty whine" and all the latest dance moves that are just short of sexual intercourse on the dance floor. What we fail to appreciate is the moral impact of music and television programs on our children and the fact that if you do not teach your children about sex someone else will.
Who do you want teaching your children about sex? Elephant Man who says, “You over there, that mmm fi share.” Or Vybz Kartel who says, “That a fi de whatnot.” Maybe you would prefer, Buju who “haffi get it even by gunpoint.” Let’s go to the actors since so many parents leave the television to raise the child today. Do you want those two homosexuals in “Will & Grace” teaching your children about sex … or Anna Nicole and those other persons who gained celebrity status by virtue of their sexuality?
I don’t think so.
Children live what they learn and children learn what they live. If you expose your children to pornography or sexually explicit information sooner or later they will act out what they have learnt with their peers … at school. Only recently there was a report in the STAR of a 9 year old girl being sexually assaulted at school by a number of 9 year old boys. Do you want your child to be either victim or instigator of these kinds of activities? Then you need to start educating your child about sex. When I say this I do not mean that you need to get into the gory details in an explicit nature. Why?
Whether you wish to accept it or not our children are being exposed to sex when they leave your company. Many little boys and girls are being sexually molested. Many parents who have only sons tend to believe only the girls get raped. Well I have news for you … one 12 year old boy was abducted from school on several occasions by boys who took turns raping him on each occasion (so many times he can’t recall them all). He told no-one and the incidents of rape continued. How did we find out about it? He started raping his six year old brother!
7 year old boy enticed from school with sweets to a go-go club near to the school by a pervert with AIDS. This pervert performs oral sex on the child and buggers him. Man starts dropping him home mother only asked, “Why didn’t you come with the taxi I pay to pick you up?” His response, my friend took my home. End of conversation. Weeks later the mother finds out!
Some children are being molested at home by their siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, mothers, fathers, friends of the family, helpers. In fact, a number of grown Jamaican men can attest to the fact that there first sexual encounter was between themselves and their helpers.
Ten year old girl passes GSAT for High School. The taxi man who took her to school everyday while she was at Primary School rapes her according to him, “along time him have her a grow inna him hand and nobody nah go get it before him.” So he rapes her and threatens to kill her if she tells anyone. She obeys. Next morning he rapes her again while bragging to her that he can rape her whenever he pleases because she won’t talk! That’s when she wrote her mother a note.
To the relief of most parents, most if not all, Primary Schools have a guidance Counsellor on staff. Therefore it is believed the responsibility sex education rests with the person on the Guidance Counsellor.
Unless you have chosen to be an ostrich with your head stuck in the sand … oblivious to the fact that sex is everywhere your child turns then you must be blind. Have you ever listened to the lyrics in the songs of most of our popular artistes. Many times when we hear the little ones singing these songs or we watch them dancing we laugh because it is so cute or entertaining for us that they know the lyrics of all these songs or that they can do the "dutty whine" and all the latest dance moves that are just short of sexual intercourse on the dance floor. What we fail to appreciate is the moral impact of music and television programs on our children and the fact that if you do not teach your children about sex someone else will.
Who do you want teaching your children about sex? Elephant Man who says, “You over there, that mmm fi share.” Or Vybz Kartel who says, “That a fi de whatnot.” Maybe you would prefer, Buju who “haffi get it even by gunpoint.” Let’s go to the actors since so many parents leave the television to raise the child today. Do you want those two homosexuals in “Will & Grace” teaching your children about sex … or Anna Nicole and those other persons who gained celebrity status by virtue of their sexuality?
I don’t think so.
Children live what they learn and children learn what they live. If you expose your children to pornography or sexually explicit information sooner or later they will act out what they have learnt with their peers … at school. Only recently there was a report in the STAR of a 9 year old girl being sexually assaulted at school by a number of 9 year old boys. Do you want your child to be either victim or instigator of these kinds of activities? Then you need to start educating your child about sex. When I say this I do not mean that you need to get into the gory details in an explicit nature. Why?
Whether you wish to accept it or not our children are being exposed to sex when they leave your company. Many little boys and girls are being sexually molested. Many parents who have only sons tend to believe only the girls get raped. Well I have news for you … one 12 year old boy was abducted from school on several occasions by boys who took turns raping him on each occasion (so many times he can’t recall them all). He told no-one and the incidents of rape continued. How did we find out about it? He started raping his six year old brother!
7 year old boy enticed from school with sweets to a go-go club near to the school by a pervert with AIDS. This pervert performs oral sex on the child and buggers him. Man starts dropping him home mother only asked, “Why didn’t you come with the taxi I pay to pick you up?” His response, my friend took my home. End of conversation. Weeks later the mother finds out!
Some children are being molested at home by their siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, mothers, fathers, friends of the family, helpers. In fact, a number of grown Jamaican men can attest to the fact that there first sexual encounter was between themselves and their helpers.
Ten year old girl passes GSAT for High School. The taxi man who took her to school everyday while she was at Primary School rapes her according to him, “along time him have her a grow inna him hand and nobody nah go get it before him.” So he rapes her and threatens to kill her if she tells anyone. She obeys. Next morning he rapes her again while bragging to her that he can rape her whenever he pleases because she won’t talk! That’s when she wrote her mother a note.
Many children suffer in silence. We have heard it all too often, stepfather molesting stepdaughter. Child tells mother. Mother accuses child of lying. The abuse continues. The once bubbly child becomes withdrawn and depressed – burdened by the shame. The “A” student can now barely scrape a “C.” Suddenly the child wants to dress “sexy.” The child may even revert to bed wetting; having frequent nightmares … The child may refuse to visit with the perpetrator – whose home, once upon a time, you could not get the child to leave.
Usually girls who are molested at an early age become promiscuous teenagers – and we just label them as being bad girls – not knowing that most times these are the tell-tale signs of sexual molestation. Studies have even shown that the majority of prostitutes were victims of sexual molestation as children. The theory is that these women view their sex life as something over which they have no control.
Whereas the boys, more often than not, become homosexuals who prey upon their victims with a vengeance. According to the 15 year old referred to above, he did it to his brother so he could rid himself of the pain – he thought he could pass it unto his brother. Onee theory which seeks to explain why boys who are molested by men become homosexuals is that they start believing they are homosexuals like their molesters “because they had a homosexual encounter”. Many victims of repeated sexual abuse often start enjoying the activity to which they initially acquiesced out of fear. The shame they live with … knowing they at some point enjoyed the act is devastating to the child who receives no counseling.
These children grow up lacking a sense of value. They see themselves as objects to be used and abused. Before you know it these children are at school encouraging their peers to do what the adults at home are doing to them.
Many times parents are unaware that their children are being exposed to sexual activities or sexually explicit television programs. Often times it is an older sibling, or an uncle, aunt or family friend who may be viewing pornography in the presence of the child or who invites the child to view pornographic material. In some communities little boys as young as 9 years old are invited to join older boys in the gang rape of women and girls who have been abducted. So for those 9 year olds, the gang rape of a woman becomes the norm and subjecting a woman to forced sex means nothing to them. They then go to school and act out on their peers.
Do not expect a child who is being molested to tell you about the assault immediately. Most children are molested by persons they know and trust such as family friends, relatives, teachers, neighbours or the taxi driver who picks them up daily. Most children are molested by persons who know their family well. The perpetrator usually threatens to kill the child’s parents or siblings if the child tells anyone. Sometimes even when the child is not threatened you will not hear a word from the child because the child feels guilty and ashamed. The child may even think you will beat them if you knew and sadly, in our society beating a child who reports being raped is instinctive to too many parents! That child will not tell you unless you see signs of abuse and start questioning them.
Children are loving and forgiving creatures. If you hurt them and make them cry this minute … the next minute you are the best thing since cartoon network to them. As parents you need to be on the look out for the signs that something maybe wrong and be accessible. Do not be embarassed to examine your child's genital area occasionally as sometimes that is the only way sexual molestation is discovered.
One problem I encountered in the prosecution of sexual assault cases is the delay between the incident and the report especially where the parent is informed immediately after the act. The truth is, the longer the delay the more difficult it is for prosecutors to prove their case! Two of the reasons for delay I have identified are ignorance on the part of parents or guardians and the failure of the accused man’s family to pay the sum demanded in exchange for the complainant’s silence.
Jamaican parents, wake up! There is no monetary value that can compensate for the emotional pain and suffering of your child! Your willingness to accept bribes is a demonstration of your support for the rape of other children.
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