I can't say deciding to give up my Legal career was the easiest decision I have ever made. In fact, 6 years 3 months later I still experience moments of panic when it hits me, "you really gave up your career to stay home!!" You see, ever since I was thirteen years old I dreamt of becoming a lawyer.
Initially, I wanted to become a lawyer because that is what my best friend, Amelia, said she wanted to be. I didn't even know what a lawyer did when she told me but I couldn't imagine being in the world without Amelia. We had been best friends from we were both nine years old. We were always in the same class and we did everything together so there was no way I was going to do something different. When she explained that Perry Mason and Matlock were lawyers my decision was final! I LOVED watching those television shows!
When I started studying A' Level law, being with Amelia was no longer my motivation, learning law truly fascinated me. Being accepted to Law School in Jamaica was very challenging. I recall one teacher at the Community College I attended saying, “don’t even waste your time applying to Law School because you will never be accepted.” I applied anyway. A few months later when I received my A’ Level results I was told I was not accepted by the University of the West Indies. That was not a deterrent, I promptly reapplied and was accepted the following year.
My journey to becoming a lawyer had its challenges. I had been told not every and anybody can get accepted to the University of the West Indies let alone the Law Faculty. One person even commented that if it was up to her people like me would never be accepted to law school. One Judge was so disgusted by the fact I was accepted to Law School she prepared a letter to the University strongly recommending that my offer be revoked as I would be “a disgrace to the profession”. Those comments merely served as motivation and entertainment for me.
Admittedly, my biggest challenge pales in comparison to other people’s but it was mybiggest challenge. That was being denied a students’ loan to pay my tuition fees in my second year of the program. Both my parents were civil servants for their entire lives and retired as such. My mother was a teacher and my father a police officer. It still hurts me today to have been told, to my face, “we are not catering for teachers and police officers’ children.” Words I will never ever forget. Despite my efforts to explain that my parents will be forced to maintain three separate households as my brother would be attending University in Kingston while I would be in Barbados and my parents lived in Montego Bay, the woman in charge flatly denied my application. My parents and my brother sacrificed to make ends meet and we managed to survive. My mother asked me just to pray that we will all be in good health for the duration of my studies and it will be alright. Thankfully we all were.
It is against this background that I occasionally second guess my decision to sacrifice my legal career for my family. I often feel guilty because of the sacrifice my parents made to put me through Law School. To some my decision may appear to be nothing short of wasting my time and talent. Who does that? I hit the pause button on my career right when I was really enjoying being a lawyer.
Most of my friends are judges, even those who are junior to me. Seventeen years ago, that was my dream. I am proud of every one of them but they sometimes make me question whether I have made the right decision or wonder where I would be in my legal career. When I doubt my decision, I remind myself that God always puts me in the perfect place for me to learn and grow, all I am required to do is “bloom where I am planted”.
Having stepped off the treadmill of the professional life I have come to appreciate the simple things in life and living in the Middle East makes my decision easier as it is customary for Arab women to stay home and take care of their families. Additionally, the expat community I live in is largely comprised of educated stay at home moms. For some of us, our husbands’ schedules are unpredictable and we are the only “constant” figure in our children’s lives for others working outside the home just isn’t a feasible option for diverse reasons. Living in a community in which it is acceptable to give up heels for sneakers to chase after kids eases the guilt some women experience.
Today my legal research, analytical, organizational and creative skills are employed to research child psychology, child development, how we learn, parenting, teaching, photography, home management, minimalism and organization, learning Arabic numbers and letters just so I can reinforce what she is learning at school and I enjoy doing these things. Make no mistake about it, there are moments when being a stay at home mom is far more challenging than the toughest case I have ever handled and I wish I could escape to my less challenging life as a lawyer in a courtroom. The monotony of getting the child ready for school, bed, preparing meals, doing laundry, putting toys away, listening to persistent whining, managing tantrums, calls for mommy to “look at me” and cleaning butts can be really irritating but then there are those priceless moments that make it pleasurable.
I suspect there may be many young professional women out there who are grappling with the idea of becoming a stay at home mother or simply switching career paths. Some of my friends have told me they envy me for being able to stay home and raise my child. It is a difficult decision to make but I assure you that if your spouse is on board and you honestly answer one question it will be easier. What is the worst thing that can happen? It also helps to imagine all the emotions you think you would feel if the worst thing did happen. Would you feel embarrassed? Who would you feel most ashamed to face? What would you do if you had to face that person? What could you do to get over the embarrassment, fear, hurt? Where would you live? What kind of job would you seek? How would you start over?
When I asked myself those questions I concluded, giving up my career to move to Doha was my rock bottom … then came three months of bed rest. That is when I felt I really had hit rock bottom. I decided things could only get better for me from there and as long as I have qualifications there will always be opportunities for me to re-enter the work world when the time is right for me. As long as I have life, good health and my qualifications I am confident I can overcome the worst, and so can you.
Deciding to be a stay at home mom or giving up a career for something “less lucrative or glamourous” is a difficult but potentially worthwhile decision. Life is too short not to spend it doing exactly what you love to do. This is your life, your mistake to make. You should make this decision for you, not the critics in your circle. After all, whatever you decide to do critics will always be there to criticize.
If what I am saying resonates with you in any way it is quite possible a break from the drudgery of the 9 to 5 is exactly what you need to recalibrate. What really is the worst thing that can happen??
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